What Is Love?
Valentine’s Day is getting closer. The stores have everything out from cards and chocolate to flowers and cakes. We all talk about love thinking we know what it is. But what is love really?
The ancient description of love in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 begins profoundly saying “Love is patient, love is kind.” It continues describing what love is not with “It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud… it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”
Finally, concluding with “Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” Though spiritual in origin, it lines up with what psychology identifies as the foundation of healthy relationships.
Patience is Emotional Regulation in Cognitive Psychology Patience is emotional regulation. When someone acts with patience, they can pause and reflect, then choose a behavior rather than reacting impulsively. Individuals using such regulation have more satisfaction in relationships with fewer conflicts and greater stress tolerance.
Patience is about allowing others to develop at their own pace, accepting imperfections, and preventing emotional outbursts. People with patience are less emotionally reactive allowing for understanding. The biblical call to patience invites people to slow their emotional roll.
Kindness is Positive Psychology Prosocial behavior is any action intended to benefit others like compassion, thoughtful gestures, supportive words, or simple expressions of warmth. Kindness builds trust, emotional safety, and strengthens relationships by softening tension and reinforcing connection. Kindness is the outward expression of an inward belief.
No room for Envy or Boasting Envy stems from comparison, insecurity, and perceived threats. Envy distorts viewpoints. Instead of seeing other people as partners we see them as rivals. This breeds resentment, jealousy, and withdrawal. Love shifts the focus from competition to celebration. Love rejoices in another’s success because it does not see a threat.
Boasting and pride are used to protect one’s sense of identity, often covering up deep seated fears of inadequacy. Excessive pride blocks emotional intimacy, preventing honesty. Healthy relationships require emotional security to admit mistakes, share fears, and accept others. Love creates a space without humiliation creating a way to closeness. When individuals drop their need to appear superior, true love grows.
Love Is Not Easily Angered
Love is not about suppressing emotion. Irritability is often a symptom of stress overload or unresolved wounds. Not being easily angered is about managing what causes pain with awareness and intent. It involves reducing emotional impulses, understanding sensitivity, and communicating needs calmly. When anger becomes the normal response then relationships deteriorate due to defensiveness. Love allows space for compassion instead of damage.
Love Keeps No Record of Wrongs The destructive power of score-keeping prevents healing due to resentment. Forgiveness is the release of emotional debts. It is not the denial of harm. A healthy relationship requires the ability to talk about wounds, repair them, and then move forward without weaponizing those injuries. Love practices emotional housekeeping by addressing issues, restoring trust, and letting go once true repair has occurred. Love’s Endurance
Truth builds secure attachment. People feel safest when they know where they stand, what is real, and what can be trusted. Deception, even tiny lies, weakens connection. Emotional truth requires vulnerability, acknowledging feelings, admitting mistakes, and communicating openly. Love is about protecting emotional well-being. It involves defending the relationship from disrespect, neglect, or harm.
Love provides security, reliability, and a place of refuge. This aligns with attachment theory, which teaches that people thrive when they have a safe emotional base.
Love is about trust that is not blind. It is built through consistent behavior over time. Saying love “always trusts,” means it chooses to rely on the other person. Trust reduces anxiety, increases cooperation, and promotes confidence. Without trust, relationships suffocate under suspicion.
Love is the psychology of optimism. Hope is the optimistic shield against despair. It allows individuals to believe in growth, healing, and future possibility. Hope sustains relationships during conflict, illness, stress, and change.
Love views challenges as temporary not permanent. Love is the emotional stamina to keep going in a relationship when facing difficult times. This does not mean tolerating abuse or remaining in unhealthy situations. Instead, this is about resilience, like staying and working through conflict by investing effort even when emotions are hard.
So, is there a simple definition of Love? NO. However, just as scripture tells us and psychology confirms: love is patient, kind, enduring, strong, and above all honest. Love is not angry, envious, competitive, or hurtful. But when love is real everyone can see it, feel it, and rejoice in it.
Happy Valentine’s Day.