Putting the Phone Away Makes for a Better Lover

The title got your attention, didn’t it? This week I went to several restaurants from Graham to Olney to Wichita Falls, and I observed couples eating their meals. I noticed two types of couples as I was out: “Talkers and Non-talkers.” I was saddened to watch couples sit and not look at each other or talk during the whole of their restaurant visit. The Gottman Institute teaches that divorce is predictable with 78 percent accuracy when there are four observable behaviors between couples. Not talking is one of these predictors.

Why is eating together important?

Dinner provides a natural pause in the demands of the day. Work, responsibilities, errands, children, finances, and personal concerns can consume much of a couple’s attention. When phones are placed aside, couples create a small period of uninterrupted time in which they can reconnect. A simple meal can provide an opportunity to ask your partner, “How was your day?” and, more importantly, to really listen to the answer.

Conversation is one of the primary ways couples maintain emotional intimacy. Healthy relationships are built through thousands of ordinary interactions, not only through major conversations. Talking about funny events, discussing plans for the weekend, sharing a concern, or simply telling a story about the day allows partners to remain familiar with each other’s thoughts and experiences.

Putting phones away says, “You have my attention.” This is more powerful than any word could convey. A partner who is looking at a phone may technically be sitting at the table, but their attention is not! When both people put their devices away, the quality of their presence changes. Eye contact, facial expressions, tone of voice, and other nonverbal forms of communication become part of the conversation. These subtle signals help people feel heard, understood, and valued.

Another benefit is the opportunity to practice listening. Communication today often encourages quick responses, interruptions, and divided attention from multitasking. However, datenight dinner conversation provides an opportunity to slow down. Couples can learn to listen without immediately trying to solve a problem, defend a position, or redirect the conversation toward themselves. What a partner needs most is not an answer but the experience of being heard and valued.

“Phone-free dinners reduce misunderstanding and demonstrate love.”

Text messages and online communication lack many of the emotional cues present in face-to-face conversation. A short message can easily be interpreted as angry, dismissive, or uncaring when that was never the intention. Face-toface conversation allows couples to clarify meaning immediately and respond to the emotional needs behind the words.

There is also an important benefit for couples who have children. Children learn about relationships by observing the adults around them. When parents regularly put phones away and talk with one another, they demonstrate that relationships require attention, listening, patience, and presence. The dinner table can become a place where everyone learns that conversation matters.

Perhaps the greatest value of putting phones away is that it creates space for ordinary moments to become meaningful. Relationships are often strengthened not by grand romantic gestures but by small, repeated acts of attention. Sharing a meal, laughing together, talking about the day, or sitting quietly with someone can become part of the emotional foundation of a lasting relationship.

The dinner table offers something a smartphone cannot: genuine human presence. By choosing conversation over scrolling, couples allow themselves to reconnect, listen, understand, and enjoy one another. Sometimes strengthening a relationship begins with something as simple as turning off the screen, looking across the table, and asking, “My love, how are you really doing?”