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Not long ago I was in a bonafide shopping mall, inside a huge department store that smelled like aged carpet, perfume samples, leather bags, and new shoes. It felt like a bygone world, back when big malls were where everyone went to find the latest fashions.
As I walked around a section of pretty dresses, a thirtysomething couple came near. The woman was excitedly touching each dress, talking to her husband about what may have inspired the pattern of the fabric, where certain waistlines originated, and which decade each dress’s shape evoked. She was clearly passionate about fashion history, but as she moved from dress to dress, her slumped husband followed unenthusiastically, boredom written all over his face. Finally, he interrupted her mid-exclamation and said, “Honey, I really don’t care.”
I don’t know the context of the day this couple was having together, nor do I know how long he had been listening to her espouse her theories about fashion, so it’s possible that this man had listened patiently for three hours and I just happened to hear him reach his breaking point. I realize that may be how this moment transpired, and I extend the man all the grace in the world. This article really isn’t about him. Hearing him respond to his wife’s musings in this way reminded me of an important foundation of all relationships: listening to people we love talk about boring stuff.
What is love, really? It’s putting someone else’s needs and wants above your own. Love demands that we listen with an ear for knowing and accepting that we don’t always have the same interests and curiosities. Love says that we don’t necessarily listen to our son, daughter, or spouse to learn more about what they’re saying. We listen to love them well. We listen so that when the conversation moves beyond the stuff that doesn’t interest us that much, to the hear t ache, the confession, the need for advice, they already know we are one of the safest places for them to bare their souls. How do they know? Because we listened to the boring stuff.
I tell you, there’s a whole world of relationship capital in the moments when we seflessly listen to the people we love say whatever they enjoy talking about. Each time we look up, smile, ask relevant questions, and try to learn all we can about our people and what’s in their minds, we create a more secure enviroment for our relationships to thrive in. I doubt that the man in the mall realized his response was going to make his wife less likely to talk to him freely in the future, but it’s true.
She will remember how she felt when she was happily chattering and he stopped her mid-sentence to let her know he doesn’t care.
The way we listen matters. Love is a listening endeavor, and it helps us to think of others before ourselves. We can’t ever forget that we also have a tendency to talk about things that no one else is really interested in. The Bible teaches us that love covers a multitude of sins. Aren’t we blessed that love also listens to endless boring conversations with interest? Otherwise, not a soul would care what we have to say on most days. Loving listeners are some of the greatest comforts in this world, and we can all endeavor to be one.