Do You Have A Really Good Man?

I constantly see posts on social media about the kind of man women ought to marry or the kind we ought to wait for or the kind we deserve. The hypothetical creatures that are described in these memes will supposedly do everything from standing in the rain with us to making us breakfast in bed to pampering us when we’ve had a rough day. They will call us “darling” and apologize even when we’re wrong and will treat us like a child when we want them to and like a grown up when we want them to. They’ll hold us when we cry and hold us when we are throwing a fit and hold us when we are being mean. They will give us money for whatever we want. They will never question us. They will rub our feet and warm our towel in the dryer during the hot bath that they drew for us. They will greet us with roses on a regular basis, and they will always, most definitely understand all the inner workings of our mind. And if they don’t, then they will acknowledge their idiocy and our brilliance.

I’m not sure how these things keep getting passed around. And I suppose the bigger question is: why would a woman want a man like this? The make-believe figures that keep making the rounds on social media sound to me like husbands who will in no way challenge a woman or help her grow as a person. Do we REALLY want men who are so afraid of us that they would never question us? Do we really believe that we are so privileged or perfect that we never need questioning?

Here’s the truth. Men are human beings, just like women are human beings. But we have let silly movies and fantasies lead us to believe that the truly good men are different--that they spend their entire day dreaming up ways to pamper us. We fool ourselves into thinking that the really good men leave love notes and wash dishes and plan elaborate trips and show up with diamonds they can’t afford. Then we get upset when our really good men just go to work and play with the kids and mow the yard and make sure the tires on our cars are okay. We are dissatisfied when our really good men sit on the couch and watch football. We just don’t feel special enough when our really good men smile across the room because, you know, no flowers, no chocolates, no handmade book of memories, no rose petal paths to anyplace.

It’s just getting absurd. You want to know if you have a good man? Here’s a test for you. Does he love God? Does he love you? Does he work hard? Does he come home? Does he love your children? If so, then you’ve got a good one.

Please, please, dear wives and women who are waiting: Don’t miss the really good man who is right in front of you because you are too focused on the imaginary men that you have read about in books or seen in movies. Not every day has to be a fairy tale. Some days are all paying bills and buying dog food and eating leftovers. Some days are all annoying habits and not enough sleep. Some days are better, and some are worse. But we promised to stick close through both types of days. And we should never, ever lose our wonder at the miracle of living life together.

If we will only learn to appreciate our really good men for who they are what they do, then one day, when they leave the last Oreo for us or when they make sure our car registration is up to date or when they wink at us across a crowded room, we’ll remember that real romance is so much more than diamonds and whatever the latest romance writer dreams up.

The really good men deserve better than our constant criticism and dissatisfaction. The grass isn’t greener in fantasy land. It’s astroturf. Stick to your own yard, where your really good man is probably mowing.

That’s true romance.