Good
I have considered writing a column on anger because it has a bad rep and anger can be hard to manage, but it can also be a source of good information.
Then last week, I came across Jocko Willink’s YouTube, “Good.” Have you seen it? It’s really powerful in how he explains any “bad” circumstance has the potential to be something good.
I first learned about this, growing up here, how we can make something good out of any challenge. The prominent example that comes to mind is the pipeline. Only 120 days of water left? Good. Borrow pipe and the citizens build a pipeline to a neighboring lake as a new water source. Just did it because it needed to be done. The success story made it to the New York Times and was shared in Congress.
Basically the lesson was: take care of it. Take responsibility and do what needs to be done. Does the problem, whatever it is, make you mad? Good. Use the emotion as fuel for implementing a solution.
A more recent example is the old city hall at 101 South Grand Avenue. The city didn’t have funding to repair the falling facade. Couldn’t use the front door due to the risk of injury from getting hit by the outside of the building falling on you. Good. So the OEDC takes over and gets it repaired. Looks better than I ever thought it could! They just did what needed to be done.
This approach reminds me of a zen story where a farmer’s horse ran away and his neighbors thought it was bad news. He replied, “Maybe.” Then the horse returned with a herd of wild horses and the neighbors thought that was good. Again, the farmer says, “Maybe.” Then his son broke his leg trying to tame a wild horse and the neighbors thought that was bad. “Maybe.” Troops come through conscripting young men for the army but pass by the farmer’s son due to his broken leg and the neighbors say, “Good.” “Maybe,” the farmer replies. The story could easily go on, with each circumstance impacting the next as the thread of life extends.
Clearly, “maybe” and “good” are not the same, but in both approaches, there’s a stepping back, a grounding in the present moment with an openness to what could be the next outcome.
To say more about anger: we generally feel anger due to an unmet need or a crossed boundary. This is good information that helps us take better care of ourselves and our relationships. Feeling angry? Good. Pause a moment to check in about needs and boundaries and take responsibility for taking care of yourself. Don’t make it about someone else or what they did. Own your part of it; that’s where your power is. It’s your choice.
Approaching any challenge or difficulty with the response, “Good,” frees us up to take next steps to try out different solutions, until that challenge is met and we can tackle whatever comes next.
Mona Bernhardt, LCSW, provides virtual psychotherapy for residents anywhere in Texas. You can schedule a free 15 minute consultation via https://www.psychologytoday.com/ profile/1535742