Will B.

I recently gave a wedding gift of my photography services to my ex-wife as a wedding gift. While at the wedding, one of her brothers (my favorite from said marriage) asked me how I could do this, referring to the photography for my exwife’s wedding. I replied, “Because I still really care for her and want to still see her happy whenever possible.”

I was married to my ex for over 20 years and it was love at first sight. Anyone who has been married for an extended time will most likely agree that the original love that drew us to our mate changes and grows over time, or at least that has been my experience.

My ex became my best friend, my confidante, my lover and my ‘all things.’ Over time, that kind of love overtook the ‘falling in love’ feeling and, for me, it felt very natural.

For me, it was a more intense and fulfilling love. I came to find out that this is not what all people are looking for when they look for love over a long period of time. I don’t blame my ex for wanting the divorce, even though it wrecked me in every sense of the word and took a good year or two to get over the not-wanting-to-get-out-of-bed feeling. Our love was just not the same for her; she said she cares for me and loves me but not in the way a husband and wife love each other anymore.

I give her credit for having the courage to face a very hard decision to follow what would make her happy. I would never begrudge someone looking for what makes them happy: we only get one go-round in this short life we get. My love has never dimmed and although I respect her decision, I had to make my own decision - to decide if there was some way I could swallow pride and bad feelings so that I could keep my best friend in my life.

It took a year of therapy and lots of prayer and bible study but I came to the decision that I would put pride aside and continue my friendship with my ex, ignoring scoffs by some and weird looks by others at events when we both show up, her with her new husband and me solo.

I did this because I truly love her and I would do anything to make sure she has her happiness, even if that included not being my wife. I still cook and share food with her and her husband on occasion as they do for me, and I get to keep my uncorrupted good memories intact and I get to keep the best friend I ever made. This allows me to continue to look after her in my own way and I will always be there to watch over her, judge me how you will. God teaches love not hate.

This is Will B saying, does pride keep you from a friendship?