Will B.

It’s that time that I always dread, time for my colonoscopy. I have had to have them done starting early, around age 45 because my dad had colon cancer. It’s kind of a simple, non-complicated procedure, but one that always stresses me out and causes a great deal of anxiety.

There is really nothing dangerous or life threatening about the procedure, except loss of control. The loss of control always triggers my claustrophobia, which is very severe. I have always been claustrophobic but it never was severe until I had a cancer scare with my liver when I was around 40 or so. My liver count was high so it started a long process of diagnosis that started with an ultrasound and ended with a biopsy of my liver. The initial diagnosis was a spot on my liver and I ended up being made to wait almost a month before the biopsy and CT scan. The long wait played havoc with my mind and emotions, in the end I ended up cranking my claustrophobia into the ultra-severe category for whatever reason. They had to knock me out and innervate me just to do the CT scan.

I have a great deal of faith in God but when it comes to this area it just does not help. Anyone with a phobia will really understand just how bad it can be. My phobia is not triggered by tight places as much as it is about feeling trapped.I can stand in a small closet without any issues, becauseI know I can turn the knob and step out. Mylast trigger was getting into a small sports car.

I thought

could handle it, but as soon as a sat down in the seat the dark tentacles of anxiety starting creeping in like a slow tide, growing stronger with each crash on the shore of my mind, heart starts to race, cold sweat breaks out and then an overwhelming feeling of complete all consuming dread washes over me like I am drowning. Unfortunately for the other three people in the car we had to immediately turn around our trip to Wichita Falls and change cars. So embarrassing, I am not the one that likes to show my weaknesses.

I only write about it because it may help someone else who suffers from anxiety or a phobia, you are not alone and the fear is real. Many who do not suffer from anxiety or phobias will really grasp just how bad it is, if you know someone with these issues just support them as best you can and know it is not just a small thing they are dealing with, for them it feels like the world is ending and there is no escape.

I am sure everything will turn out ok during my colonoscopy, I have a great doctor who is a follower of Christ, which gives me great comfort just knowing this. I am hoping my anxiety stays down long enough for the sedative to kick in and I wake up after its all over. This is Will B saying, just because you can’t see it doesn’t make anxiety any less real, it’s real for the person you care about and that is enough to believe it is real and support them through it.