Mindi's Message 8/18

Nobody told me that becoming a parent would affect my brain so completely. I mean, sure, I heard of “pregnancy brain” that would make me forgetful and of “mom brain,” which has done the same thing. But, I really think what my husband has been saying about me for about four years now is right. I may have finally completely gone off the deep end.

The final straw in my descent to madness has been Laney’s impending attendance at pre-kindergarten at Olney Elementary School. That is if I don’t talk myself out of letting her go to school at all.

Now, let me start this by saying I’m not AT ALL concerned about the school, itself. Our district is run very well and I have all the faith in the world in the staff and administration at OES. I’m talking about my own personal fears and anxieties related to turning my child loose in a school with a couple hundred other kids, all of whom I’m convinced will surely find some way to influence her.

As I’ve said before, the first four years of her life were the innocent years. We could protect her from almost anything we didn’t want her exposed to, although she did come up with some off-the-wall things anyway. As of Monday, those days are over. She will be out and away from us in a world that can be lovely, but also scary and cruel. She will be able to make friends as well as be exposed to kids who might not like her or may pick on her. She’ll be taking the first steps in a long education and I hope every day they are steps she’ll enjoy.

My first stress about the situation was how to get her to school, get myself to class on time and then get her back to daycare, but I think those issues have been solved for the most part. Now all that remains is the huge hurdle of getting her to want to stay there.

You see, Laney and I have become quite attached over the course of the summer months when we were at home. She is basically my shadow. I do very little alone and she likes it that way. This morning’s daycare drop-off was a huge milestone because it involved just one hug and one kiss and a wave goodbye. It makes me optimistic for the first day of school, but I fear that when she walks into a cafeteria full of kids, her outlook on things will change dramatically.

That’s true, of course, unless there are Pop Tarts. She might be willing to stay there for a Pop Tart with icing and sprinkles on top because she doesn’t get very many at home. I like to believe she’d be equally happy with a banana or some other fruit, but I’m also realistic and know that’s in no way true.

You know, in reality I think all of the issues are my own (that’s where the crazy comes in). I think she will be just fine after a few leg-hugging mornings. There will be tears at first and anxiety from both of us about eventually tackling that long hallway alone, but I think we can get through it.

And if not, I hope OES is ready to have Laney hauling around a huge backpack with me in it.

So on Monday morning, please say a little prayer for Laney and for me. She’ll be nervous but excited about this new chapter in her “big girl” journey, and I’ll be nervous, excited, devastated and a little bit heartbroken that my “baby” isn’t one anymore. I’ll squeeze her tightly, no matter how many hugs she may need, and hope that the day when she doesn’t want too many of those is still far, far away.