Love and Entitlement
Today Facebook showed me a list that some young girl must’ve written, describing the kind of love that she is looking for: “I want a ‘baby did you eat today’ kind of love. A joke fest until I smile again kind of love. A rub my back after work kind of love. . .”
I read through the never- ending wishes for someone to attend to the girl’s every want and feeling, and I wondered how the definition of true love became a demand for pampering. I wondered when we decided that love is about entitlement. About looking out for number one. About making sure that our relationships are about US getting what WE want, and if the other person can’t deliver on our list of demands, then they just aren’t worthy of us.
And this list is just one of thousands of posts out there that teach women that what they deserve is to put their feet up and let someone else do all of the giving and working and loving in a relationship. These posts, no doubt written by young girls who have never been in a healthy, committed relationship, teach all of the wrong ways to “love.” In fact, these posts are actually about figuring out how the “be loved,” although I would argue what they consider to be acts of love are quite ridiculous in the light of real life.
I don’t want a man to rub my feet. I want a man who will bathe our kids. I don’t want a man to hyper-focus on my mood. I want a man who extends grace when my mood is unbearable. I don’t need a man to go to the fridge and find food for me to eat. I want a man who finds his own food when I’m not in the mood to cook.
But even those things are the wrong way to approach love. Love isn’t a laundry list of behavior requirements. It isn’t an attempt to grab as much attention as you can, setting up ultimatums to try and control your loved one’s thoughts and actions. There’s a word to describe that type of attitude: abusive.
Real love is always looking out for someone else. It’s deciding that you are putting another person’s wants and needs ahead of your own. Real love doesn’t feel entitled. It doesn’t make demands or threats. Real love is kind. It’s gentle. It forgives imperfection.
When you are looking for love, look to GIVE it, not get it. Then you’ll be on the road to finding a real, deep love that is about sacrificing for each other, not greedily making sure that you are getting every little thing that you want. Selfishness leads to loneliness. But kindness and grace lead to love.
--Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7