A letter of intent for the Olney Army

There comes a time in every man or woman’s life when an epiphany strikes and he or she can do something really, really cool.

After seeing Atlanta go up 21-3 by halftime of Sunday night’s Super Bowl, I began to lament the end of the football season. Now is the time when my disappointment grows from players announcing their retirement or leaving a team after years of service, inevitably sending some poor child into tears. Although football the football season is over, I still have Madden. However, that too comes with a price because I will spend all spring and summer trying to keep my roster up-to-date so I can play each subsequent season with the modes accurate teams. 

If I could start a 32-team league of friends and associates, then I wouldn’t have to worry about updating my rosters. I could just focus on having the best roster through trades and free agency so I could beat that week’s opponent, I thought while watching Lady Gaga perform at halftime, under the false assumption I would see some far-left, train-wreck political activist message. Wait, I’m the editor of a newspaper, I could totally do that. I wouldn’t have just 32 people my disposal, I could have thousands, an army — an Olney Army.

Imagine playing Grand Theft Auto Online and seeing hundreds of players tearing across the map destroying everything in a Mad Max-esque hoard. Think of the possibilities, better yet, think of the great loot from slaughtering unsuspecting victims not realizing they logged onto the wrong server at the wrong time. For some, all of what I just wrote may seem a foreign language but many closeted thumb jockeys are completely geeking out right now. Of course, this is the Internet, so the usual disclaimer of keeping the language Rated G and no bullying, lest one receives the wrath of a weekly newspaper editor, would apply.

Moments like this remind me of a letter from American tech startup Megabots to their Japanese equivalent, Suidobashi, laying down the gauntlet for  what could be the greatest spectacle in the history of the Internet: You have a giant robot, we have a giant robot — we have a duty to the science fiction lovers of this world to fight them to the death.

So, to my fellow gamers across Olney, Newcastle, Megargle and Loving. You have a video game system, I have a video game system — we have a duty as video game lovers to devastate everyone in our path, and increase our stats and trophies. 

My PS4 account handle is JimmyP318 and games I own include: Fallout 4, Arkham Knight, Farcry 4, Madden 2017, UFC 2, Assassin’s Creed Syndicate and many others, but I am willing to add other titles for future events. After all, considering this is through my employer, I think I can have a justifiable reason to have video games as a tax write-off. For any event suggestions, contact my via my PS4 account JimmyP318 or through email at editor@olneyenterprise.com. Let’s make this happen.