Am I Enough?
I used to be on an endless search for enlightenment. I could spend hours in the selfhelp section of the bookstore browsing titles. “Which book speaks most to me,” I’d ask myself as I thoughtfully read each synopsis. I needed healing and was certain some profound philosophy was just waiting on a shelf to be discovered by me. Over time I was able to get an in-depth look at my various afflictions. This helped me to better understand why I am an addict. I learned so many helpful things: my strengths and weaknesses, boundaries and limits, and how to more effectively communicate. As well I was able to process past events which had emotionally stunted me. Even so I lacked the confidence in myself to move forward.
Thus I continued my search for the one word, concept, or group of people that would make me feel whole - the right person or therapist who could “fix” me once-and-for-all. I felt a deep sense of disconnection to others and no wonder; I was completely preoccupied with myself. I was building a castle of isolation with the towering walls of self-help.
New knowledge was now coming few and far between books. It was getting harder to satisfy my need for the feeling I derived in an “ah-hah” moment. I began to see that my search to conquer addiction had become an addiction in itself. So there I was just me, my thoughts, and my books. How would I ever get better left to my own devices?
As long as I kept trying to help myself, I never would get better. As it turns out, I AM NOT ENOUGH... without my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. What a privy concept! Not one of my self-help books expounded on needing a higher power. I was as Paul wrote in II Timothy 3:7, “ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.”
All along I feared failure because I know that I am not enough. Accepting my inherent weakness as a human is key to understanding humility. Now I must surrender my will and life to Christ’s sovereign plan. There is no failure in His will. As Paul says in Romans 8:28, “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”
Man can gather all the resources he’s financially capable, he can research all the world’s books, and gain all the insight self-help has to offer, but if he does it first without the Lord, then he will never add one cubit unto the measure of his life, as written in Luke 12:25.
Being not enough isn’t unsettling these days. On the contrary, I’m comforted in knowing I don’t have to orchestrate everything. God’s got this! I must remember that I am human. I am weak. And by God, I’m made strong. Only through Christ am I enough!