I Yelled at the Man on the Phone
Last week I began the frustrating task of trying to find the phone number for a company which would allow me to speak to a human being instead of an automated system. I had already been through all of the automated options and apparently had completely stumped the program that was designed to get me the help that I needed. The voice on the phone kept asking me to go to the website instead, but the help that I needed wasn’t there either.
By the time I tracked down a different number which other frustrated customers shared online, I was already extremely weary of this process, and was also beginning to get the sense that this company was trying to scam me. A strange mixture of mostly exasperated anger and slight fear made me extra edgy as the phone rang and I hoped that a real person would answer.
He did. He answered in a way that communicated that he really hated his job, and I figure that I wasn’t the first frustrated customer he had encountered that day. But what happened next really surprised me. I yelled at him.
He was not helpful, and I began yelling as I felt my temperature rising, and he yelled back. We both yelled at each other for about three seconds, and then he hung up.
And there I was, shakily standing in my bedroom, living in the reality of what had just happened. I had just actually, truly yelled at a customer service representative, something I have never done in my life.
Immediate regret set in. I wondered if it would ever be possible to find him again by calling that same number, but I knew by the sound of it that he was likely part of a huge network of some call center overseas. I did call the number back, but this time it was a different automated message that somehow gave me the option I needed to get a local shop, where a very kind north Texas woman helped me.
I spent the entire day reflecting on what had happened. I thought about what I might say if I could try to explain and apologize. I could say, “I know you couldn’t tell by the way that I spoke to you, but I’m a Christian, and the Spirit of the Living God actually lives inside of me.”
Saying that would sound so hollow. It would make no sense. How could someone who has the Spirit of God react in such a way?
Emotions like anger and fear and even frustration can be breeding grounds for bad behavior. In hindsight I could think of so many better ways that I could have handled the moment, even in my frustration. But while I was on the phone, I was ruled by those emotions, and they smothered the fruits of the Spirit that should have been on display.
When you think about it, the outward signs of regeneration that God produces in us, things like kindness and love, patience and goodness, shine the most powerfully in moments when we are feeling the strongest emotions. When most people would have yelled, but we were kind. When most people would have lashed out, but we showed patience. John Piper said that our goal in life should be to think, feel, and act in such a way as to make God look as glorious as He is. If that man were to see my name someplace on the internet and see that I call myself a follower of Jesus, what would he think of my God?
When I picture myself standing there yelling into the phone like a caricature of a middle-aged woman, it makes me want to cover my face in shame. But as I’ve tried to search for the deeper meaning behind my behavior that day, I think it boils down to this simple truth from Scripture: the mouth speaks from the overflow of the heart (Matt. 12:34). What happened that day wasn’t a behavior issue. It was a heart issue.
My heart wasn’t in tune with my Lord. It wasn’t in tune with His love for people. It wasn’t in tune with who He has taught me through Scripture that He is. The truth is that I had neglected my Bible reading. I had gotten slack about prayer. I had refused all of the wisdom that God offers through His word by letting it lie untouched, and when I opened my mouth to speak in a particularly emotional moment, all of that showed in the ugliest way. It reminds me how much I need Jesus, and how far I am from His goodness and holiness. I am humbled.
It’s a relief to know that God reigns supreme, and that He knows exactly who I yelled at. He knows that man, and He knows how many hairs are on that man’s head. God is perfectly able to speak to that man without my help.
But what if I could have been a part of what He is doing in one customer service rep’s life? That would have been so much better than my yelling.
His mercies are new every moment. I know He won’t give up on me. It’s easy to be emotional creatures who are ruled by our feelings, but on the narrow path, we have a much better option: we can be ruled by the Spirit of God.
What will He produce in us if we earnestly seek Him?