Five Things We Teach Our Kids When We Don’t Know They’re Watching
As adults we often tend to believe that kids aren’t paying attention. But we teach them so many things when we don’t even realize that they’re tuned in. Here are five things we teach our kids when we don’t know they’re watching.
1. We teach them how to treat others. Our kids notice everything about our interactions with other people. Even when they seem engrossed in all of the cool stuff near the checkout at the store, they are aware of how the adults around them are behaving. If we are rude to a clerk, they see it. If we speak harshly to our spouse, they take notice. If we call our friend and say mean things about someone, they are watching. They pay attention to our dealings with other adults because they are trying to figure out how grown ups act. When we show them that people’s feelings don’t matter, we are training them to be bullies, and we are teaching them that our faith has no bearing on our treatment of others. Instead, we should live out this truth: Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. (Colossians 3:12)
2. We teach them how to be husbands and wives. Our kids know many married people, but only one couple is with them at all hours of the day and night. Only one couple deals in stress, romance, prayer, sacrifice, compromise, disagreements, and fun right under their roof day in and day out. As their parents, we are their number one source of information on what it’s like to be married. Christian marriages are designed to be a clear picture of the gospel. What if this was what our kids learned by watching us be married: Love suffers long, and is kind; love does not envy; love does not promote itself, is not puffed up, does not behave badly, seeks not her own, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:4- 8)
3. We teach them how we feel about them. How often do we talk about our children while they are standing nearby? How often do we complain about the tasks of parenthood, or act like we would be happier if they were someplace else? How often do we tell others that our kids are getting on our nerves or imply that we would rather not deal with them at all? Social media is such a tempting and often hilarious outlet for complaining about our kids. But, every once in awhile we should stop and imagine that someone we love dearly is saying such things about us. What if we learned our husband posted a Facebook status like this: “My wife has not. stopped. talking. since I got home. Is it bedtime yet? #silenceisgolden.“ No husband in his right mind would ever post such a thing. Yet, we seem to think that our children will not be bothered when we say such things about them. Instead, we should gift our children with kind words: Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body. (Proverbs 16:24)
4. We teach them how to handle injustice. Imagine your child was passed over for a part in a play at school that you feel he would be perfect for. You know he had the lines memorized, that he basically embodied the essence of the character, and that there is no way that anyone trying out could do a better job than he did. Quick, what would you do? We are so quick to rush in and try to fix all of life’s hiccups for our kids. When we go over people’s heads, when we bargain and complain and act rudely when our kids have been “done wrong,” we are teaching them a terribly bad habit. It would be better, on casting day, to pat your son on the back, commend him for doing the best job that he could do, and encourage him to try again next time. Because, let’s all say it together: Life’s not fair. And, the sooner our kids realize that disappointments will come, that things don’t always go their way, the better off they will be. Our kids will fail sometimes. People will miss their greatness sometimes. But Jesus’ greatness was missed, too. And the injustice He suffered was like no other. We can teach our kids how to deal with disappointments humbly and graciously. In fact, the Bible says that a little injustice can be good for us: Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. (James 1:2-4)
5. We teach them how to be a Christian. Our faith matters to our kids. We are often guilty of saying one thing and doing another. Our kids see the inconsistencies. They wonder how a movie that is too bad for them could be good for us. They consider how much compassion and grace we have, how much our faith colors our willingness to apologize. They are watching. Are we giving them a clear picture of what Christianity is? Are we building a faith that gets stronger with each passing year? Are we teaching them to pray and to make the Bible the ultimate authority of their lives? These are hard things to live out. But trying to be more like Christ has many benefits. One is that we become more like Christ. The other is that our kids see more of Christ every single day of their lives. It’s a win-win situation, even if we do have to do some painful soul-searching. Jesus said let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven. (Matthew 5:16) Maybe an even higher and more difficult calling is to shine our light before our kids, through the good and the bad, the mundane and the crazy. They are watching. And they are worth shining for.